I have a Kelly in my community.
Kelly is honest.
That's one of the qualities I like most about her.
If Kelly isn't going to commit to something, she says so.
She doesn't do the thing where she says, "yes," but means, "no."
So Kelly didn't commit to the "NO COMPLAINING" challenge I did with a small group back in 2020. She admitted to me later- that she knew she complained. She spent a lot of her time commiserating with other complainers, and she did not think she would be successful at the challenge.
You see, Kelly has a difficult past. The people in her life who were supposed to love her, care for her, and protect her, did not. Kelly knew she was suffering from a stronghold of bitterness and resentment.
So why start a challenge she had no intention of finishing? Kelly had good reason to complain, so she thought.
Now I'd like to introduce you to Melissa. Melissa has her own personal struggles. Melissa is a busy mom with 4 kids, and she's a care taker for her live-in mother-in-law. Melissa has a lot on her plate. She is always on call.
Melissa catches herself snapping at her family members.
Melissa commits to making the quit.
Like you, Melissa wears her wristband as a visual cue 24/7. On this particular day, Melissa is at the grocery store kid-free, but looking frazzled, picking up supplies for supper. Who else is at the store? Kelly.
Kelly sees Melissa. Kelly opens her mouth to make a comment about...
How the store is out of what she needs. It's so inconvenient.
How her kids are so picky about their food. It's so annoying.
How it's only a Monday and she wishes it were Friday. Work sucks.
But before any of these thoughts turn into words, Kelly looks down. She notices Melissa's red & blue wrist band. She knows that IF she says these things out loud, 1 of 2 things will happen next:
Kelly's comments will be met with silence. That would be awkward.
Melissa will chime in with the commiserating. That would be worse.
In that moment, Kelly realized that she had too much respect for Melissa to pull her down into her sinking ship.
So what did Kelly do?
She burst into tears. In the middle of the grocery aisle.
Honest Kelly was honest in that moment.
She admitted to Melissa the thoughts she was thinking, but did not say.
Because she saw the wrist band.
Because she knew what it represented.
MAKE YOUR BOUNDARIES BIG, REMEMBER?
Don't underestimate the power of that visual cue. Tell people what it means.
Tell them why it matters to you.
Maybe someday I'll give you an update on Kelly & Melissa. But for now:
KEEPING DOING WHAT YOU COMMITED TO DOING.
EVERY time you catch yourself complaining:
STOP the thought.
SHIFT the focus to something a little bit better. a bit more positive.
SEEK: Find one pleasant thing to say about the person or thing you were just complainin' about or throwin' under the bus.
If you were complaining about a problem, seek one possible solution. ( "...But maybe I could......." )
See you tomorrow, when your burning question finally gets answered:
Not in the Challenge? What are you waiting for?
You've got NOTHIN' to lose but a crappy attitude.
Copyright © 2023 Tara Dukart of Seek First Ranch. All Rights Reserved.
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